I wait.

The flight was delayed. Over an hour. It's already half an hour to midnight. The gray haired-gray mustached man near me sits in a pink, pin-striped button down with his hands behind his head like he has all the time in the world. There's a mom, single maybe? Sitting with her daughter who looks around 3 years old wearing polkadot rain boots with a high ponytail. So young, so happy. To my left is the smoking area. 5 people. Max. Who the heck smokes this late in the night? The man in the pink just coughed.
I'm still waiting.

A wave of sound crashes over me from behind. Talking. Talking everywhere. Who the heck talks this loud this late at night? Two boys: one with curly brown hair, long sideburns; the other with clean cut black hair, Chicago bulls hat. Playing thumb war. So childish.
I'm jealous. And still waiting.

There are Indians everywhere. Not native American ones. The other ones. Arent I still in Utah? What gives? They're sleeping though so I guess I'm okay. Next to them is a bald guy. Late twenties. Plaid button down, paired with a black zip up jacket. He's eating. I've eaten too much today, but I still want to have what he's having.
As I sit. Still waiting.

Laughter. What's so funny? I want in. Nothing's funny this late at night. Who am I kidding. Everything's funny this late at night. Especially with a lot of kids around. Where did all of these kids come from? Why are they flying so late at night? They should be sleeping. I should be sleeping. And yet, I'm still sitting here.
Waiting.

99 Reasons to be Fit.

1. To be able to outrun everyone.
2. To kiss ass and to kick ass.
3. For the abs of steel.
4. For the buns of steel.
5. To be stronger.
6. To feel healthier.
7. To be better than ever.
8. One word: ENDORPHINS.
9. To treat my body how it deserves to be treated.
10. So I can be unstoppable.
11. Because I CAN do it.
12. To live longer.
13. To show men that women can do it as well.
14. To look good.
15. To prove others wrong.
16. Because all of the pain I'll go through is just the weakness leaving my body.
17. To not worry about pictures being taken of me and how I look.
18. To be able to defend myself.
19. To be able to keep up with my kids.
20. To see what I'm made of.
21. Because exercising can be relaxing.
22. To know that I am in charge of MY life.
23. For the muscles.
24. To make boys feel like clumsy amateurs in the weight room.
25. To surpass the limits I thought I had.
26. To prove to myself that I am strong.
27. Because what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
28. Because who said girls couldn't lift?
29. For the body I've always wanted.
30. To kick someone's ass if needed.
31. To beat my boyfriend in a pushup competition.
32. To gain power.
33. To just do it.
34. Because pain is temporary, and pride is forever.
35. To feel sexy in my own skin.
36. If Snooki can do it, so can I.
37. To respect my body.
38. To finish ahead of the boys.
39. Because the sense of accomplishment is extraordinary.
40. To be confident enough to run in only a sports bra and shorts.
41. To beat my personal best.
42. To be remembered as "The fit one" and not "The lazy one".
43. To be able to sell tickets to the gun show;)
44. Because a number doesn't define me.
45. To feel and look good while naked.
46. Because I want people to know I'm a stud.
47. Because the fitter I am in the long run, the better the sex.
48. For a healthy heart.
49. To have something to smile about, even on a bad day.
50. To outrun the zombies.
51. To show off my legs and booty.
52. So that one day, I'll appear in fitness photos.
53. To be the one people go to for tips and suggestions.
54. To be other peoples reasons to be fit.
55. For the before and after.
56. To have something to look forward to.
57. To have brains AND brawn.
58. Because I am committed.
59. Because fit>skinny.
60. To be able to run on the beach without feeling self conscious.
61. Because I'm better than what people think of me.
62. To see what my body was made to look like.
63. Because fit people are amazing:)
64. Because victory belongs to the most persevering.
65. Unless I puke, faint, or die, I'll keep going.
66. Still doing it.
67. No excuses.
68. Because greatness is earned. Not awarded.
69. To reach MY finish line.
70. To I earn my body.
71. I do because I CAN, I can because I WANT to, I want to because you said I COULDN'T.
72. To be THAT girl.
73. To bleed the game.
74. Because my sweat is fat crying.
75. Because the more I work out, the weaker his knees get.
76. If I want it bad enough, I'll bust my ass to get it.
77. Endurance: because I am my fiercest competition.
78. To feed the spark to make it a flame; to feed the flame before it becomes a fire.
79. To do it now because sometimes later becomes never.
80. Life is a sport. Make it count.
81. To catch them staring at me.
82. To be less self conscious.
83. To never have to take another "before" picture.
84. Because I want to be a BEAST.
85. Because, why the hell not?
86. To lift more than the boys.
87. Because this is my therapy.
88. To feel my muscles quiver in a good way.
89. Everything I need is already inside.
90. So my feet will hurt from kicking so much ass.
91. Because the road is a good listener.
92. Because great bodies aren't born, they're forged.
93. Because being fit means the world to me.
94. I need to suck it up so one day I won't have to suck it in.
95. To let every bead of sweat motivate me a little more.
96. To be able to punch today in the face.
97. Because I can't fake fitness.
98. Because my Stronger, Fitter evil-twin is plotting to kill me.
99. To work hard, eat clean, and talk dirty.

Who Would Turn Off My Coffee Pot?

If I died today

Who’d turn off my coffee pot?

Would there be a street parade?

Would I just be an after-thought?

If I died today

Would I still be a waiter?

Could I fly around like superman?

Would I make the Sunday paper?

I wonder who I’d see

Crying standing over me.

Who would just send their regards?

Would anybody say “at least he’s in a better place?”

And who would get this old guitar?

If I died today

Would my mom keep on praying?

Would my buddies go out drinking?

Would my alarm clock keep on blinking?

If I died today

Would I need to be ashamed?

Would I be easy to forget?

Could I live with my regrets?

If I died today

Could I see my room from Heaven?

Would my family talk about me

At Christmas and Thanksgiving?

If I died today,

Who’d turn off my coffee pot?

*Tim McGraw

Aren’t these the things we all wonder?

All day, everyday?

Aren’t these the words we all silently whisper when we’re in our bathroom? 
Looking at our reflection through sunken eyes?

I would say that these are my words, but they’re not. They’re OUR words.

These are the words spread through sorrow, despair, and grief.

Luckily, they don’t have to be.

We can change their meaning.

I don’t know about you, but I know I see them differently.

I see these words as excitement.

I can’t wait for the day that I die so I can see if these things come true.

However, I know that they won’t happen if I don’t live my life to it’s fullest right now.

I need to be happy with who I am and what I’m doing today. And if I am, then I know those things will fulfill themselves.

One at a time.

So if I really did die today, who would turn off my coffee pot?

Inhale.

It's okay if all you did today was just...


Breathe.

I am a Coward.

Being afraid stresses me out. Yet, I can't seem to stop being afraid all of the time.

I'm afraid of turning things in late.
I'm afraid of disappointing teachers.
I'm afraid of disappointing my parents.
Being home alone at night scares me.
But being home alone with certain people scares me more.

Does that ⬆ make me a coward?
Or does this ⬇ make me a coward?

I'm afraid of losing things I have and losing things I have yet to receive.
I'm afraid of losing myself.
I'm afraid of losing the game and being disqualified.

I'm terrified that my leg will never heal.
I'm terrified of cancer even though I don't have it.
I'm terrified of dying young.
I'm terrified of becoming over weight.

Am I a coward yet?

I'm afraid that people won't like me because of my curly hair.
I'm afraid that my 2 second first impression is never good enough.
I'm afraid of seeing how pictures of me will turn out.

How about now?

You see, even though I'm so scared all the time, I'm okay.
Because being scared makes me... me.

Don't go

You seem too good

Too good to be true
You're holding me stronger
Stronger than I'm used to

Don't go out with the boys tonight

I won't sleep a wink wondering what you're doing

Don't go out with the girls tonight

I will turn to drink wondering who you're screwing

Tug of war

Sweet as sin

I let go

I fell in

Feel the pull

Call your name

I'm alone

Once again

*courtesy of Carly Rae Jepsen

Splinters and Bawling

During the day

I'm not thinking about you. 

I'm thinking about everything but you.

I don't think about you like papers think about pens

like rivers think about bends

like farmers think about hens.

I don't think about you like wood thinks about fire

like stores think about buyers

like Ms. J thinks about choir.

I don't think about you like that.

I don't think about you like basketballs think about dunks

like music thinks about funk

like my grandma thinks I'm a punk.

I don't think about you like rocks think about scissors

like feet think about splinters

like Mr. Nelson thinks about the beginners

that suck.

I don't think about you like that.

But during the night, 

while I lie awake in bed,

I'll admit to thinking about you.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I'm thinking about you like cd's think about burning

like pages think about turning

like children think about learning.

I'm thinking about you like nerds think about quirks

like girls think about jerks

like creeps think about where to lurk.

I think about you like that.

I'm thinking about you like leaves think about falling

like babies think about crawling

like I think about bawling.

I'm thinking about you like customers think about complaints

like walls think about paint

like you think about restraint.

I think about you like that.

You see, I think about you.

I think about you a lot.

I think about you like.. A Lot. 

Now will you stop asking?

In honor of Valentines Day.

Tomorrow is Feb. 14th! I am in the 6th grade so I get to go to the Valentines Dance tomarrow! All of my friends think that my dress is ugle, but I am going to wear it anyway. I have done some of my valentines, so in the morning, I will finish them. *****'s outfit is so cute! ******* never showed me hers, so I don't know what it looks like yet. Also, I wonder what ******* will wear, ******, and *******. The people who are decorating the gym for the Valentines Dance, are almost all boys. So everyone is wondering what it will look like. I need my beauty sleep. JK! Ha!

Feb. 14th!- Today is Valentines Day! I went to school dressed up all nice. My parents and my brother all came to watch me dance at my school dance, for Valentines. My brother will now draw a picture for Valentines Day! Home Sweet Home!